#29: I Am Serious, and Don't Call Me Shirley

(Airplane!, 1980, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker)

I don't know if it's me or Airplane!, but there's something that makes this film impossible to write about. This blog post has been sitting on my dashboard in various incarnations for months, and I think about it literally every day and say to myself "today I will write the Airplane! blog and get out of my funk and start moving on this project again." Of course, inevitably, I get distracted by Facebook and Youtube and the internet in general and I don't actually do that. I just think to myself "tomorrow... tomorrow I will actually write that post." And, once again, that will inevitably not happen and the whole vicious cycle starts again.

You see, dear readers, I am not good at projects. I currently have at least 3 half-finished knitting projects (including 2 scarves and one pair of socks) sitting in my room gathering dust. I also have all the posters that were previously on my walls now sitting on my floor, waiting for the room redecoration that I've been talking about doing since July. I still haven't finished playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess or Super Mario Galaxy. I haven't finished sewing a dress that I was planning on wearing to a function that happened about 6 months ago. The long story short is that I don't finish projects well. I never have. It's a character flaw that I know I have and will probably always be fighting against. The problem is that I also seem to have an unexplainable need to start projects, which is probably causing me a lot more problems than my inability to finish them.

However, the thing about this blog, this particular project, is that for some reason I have it in my mind that it is entirely necessary for me to finish it. Unlike that half-knitted sock in my room, I feel that this blog is something that absolutely has to be completed. After this project evolved from a two-person endeavour into a solo mission I became even more determined to keep it going. I knew that it would be hard for me to stick to such a large undertaking, but I promised myself that I would not give up on it. Partly because I'm trying to break that nasty habit of not finishing things, and partly because this particular project means something more to me.

I didn't mention this when I wrote up High Fidelity because it didn't fit in with the format that I chose, but there's one specific scene in that film that kind of speaks to me because it calls to attention something that I often find myself thinking about: the job that I would want if could have literally any job in the world. Well, the truth is that if I had my way I would be writing the film reviews for Rolling Stone. I would love to have Peter Travers's job. That's it. And for me, giving up on this blog would be like admitting to myself that I don't ever have a chance at having that job. I have to keep writing about these 1000 films because, in my mind, that makes my dream that much closer to being real. Of course, in my ideal world I'd be writing Rolling Stone's film reviews in the 1970's when Kubrick was still making films and awesome things like Star Wars were being seen for the first time. Alas, that is not a possibility. However, it is entirely possibly for me to keep writing this blog, thereby making me one baby step closer to being the next Peter Travers.

So, in case you haven't noticed, this post is not about the film Airplane!. I realized today that this post was never going to be about Airplane! and was probably never really meant to be about Airplane!. Airplane! is a great film and an excellent example of satirical comedy. It's frequently ranked as one of the greatest American comedies, and is remembered as being uproariously funny and highly quotable. Leslie Nielsen's role as Dr. Barry Rumack is remembered as one of his best, and my viewing of the film coincidentally fell only a few days before his death, which made it especially poignant. And... that's it. Honestly, that's all I could ever think of to say about Airplane!. So that's all I'm going to say about it.

I've made a lot of promises about how I'm going to be better about updating the blog more frequently (for the 7-ish of you who care) and try to watch more of the weird movies. Well... I'm taking those back. I think my problem is that I try to keep a schedule (which I hate) or watch the weird movies (which I just straight up don't want to do), and I can't do that. It's just not going to happen, now or ever. So I'm replacing it with this promise: I won't give up on this project. Not entirely, not ever. I don't know if I'm making the promise to myself or to my readers (to those of you who've stuck with me, thanks), but I'm making it. I have to. It's the only way. So now I'm going to walk away from this blasted post that gave me the most brutal blogger's block that has ever existed and end by saying that the next post will definitely be about a movie and not about my own introspection. I promise.

#26: I Feel the Need... The Need for Speed!

(Top Gun, 1986, Tony Scott)

WARNING: Spoilers ahead! (Though if you don't know how Top Gun ends you're probably living in a cave and thus not reading this blog)

One of the movie theaters in Eugene shows what they call "Flashback Features" on Wednesday nights during part of the year. I've always seen the posters and thought about going, but I've never actually made it. This week they were showing Top Gun, and my mom and I decided that we were going to go see it. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, my mom was unable to attend, so I ended up going with my friend Cameron, which ended up being a lot of fun because we could act like 5th graders during the really weird sex scene.

I really enjoyed Top Gun. It was entertaining, and Tom Cruise in the 80's was very easy on the eyes, and the fighter jet scenes were pretty cool. Tom Cruise is also just really awesome in this movie. For example, when he rode by the fighter jets on his motorcycle, Cameron turned to me and said "of course he rides a motorcycle." Yeah. Because he's a fighter pilot. And he's AWESOME. Also, thanks to my general obsession with pop culture, I already knew most of what was going to happen even though I'd never seen Top Gun in its entirety. So I was mentally and emotionally prepared for Goose dying and Iceman being a tool which probably allowed me to enjoy the film more. So, I liked it, and now everyone can stop having a cow over the fact that I'd never seen Top Gun because now I've seen it and I can move on with my life and this post. Which I will continue by talking about all of the weird things in Top Gun that I didn't really like.

1. The sex scene. I'm not super wild about sex scenes in movies in general. Not that I'm a prude or anything, I just tend to find them awkward and really uncomfortable to watch. Especially when there are other people present. The Top Gun sex scene is made particularly uncomfortable by extended periods of Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis looking deeply into each other eyes, and the fact that you can see their tongues entering each others' mouths. Let me say that again for emphasis. Tongues visibly entering each others' mouths. We all know that when people in movies kiss they use tongue, but I really don't need visual confirmation of that. It's just not necessary. Of course, as mentioned above, I saw this with my friend Cameron, and we spent the entirety of the scene trying to stifle furious laughter. So I guess it worked out just fine.

2. The soundtrack. This is kind of a half-gripe. I actually liked the soundtrack just fine for the most part. "Danger Zone" is super cheesy and is basically the song version of the line "I feel the need... the need for speed." It fits perfectly into the fabric of the film. And Tom Cruise and the rest of the pilots singing "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" is cinematic genius. But I borderline hate "Take My Breath Away." Unlike "Danger Zone," it's dramatic and cheesy in a bad way. It almost hurts. And the worst part is that it seems like Top Gun didn't have the budget for an entire soundtrack. Instead they just used "Danger Zone" and "Take My Breath Away" again and again. Which is all well and good if you're using this film as the basis for a drinking game, but kind of annoying when you're soberly watching it in a movie theater and you hate "Take My Breath Away."

3. The weird man-to-man interactions. Jokes get made about the homoeroticism of Top Gun all the time, and it's fairly easy to see why. The volleyball scene alone is pretty intense. And that's fine. They're dudes, they're together all the time, and they're clearly very comfortable with each other. Which is awesome. But do they really need to be having serious conversations when they're all sweaty and half naked in the locker room? And does Iceman really need to be all up in Maverick's face like that? Not really. It just kind of... makes it weird. That's all. Especially considering all the time these guys spend talking about having sex with girls. I would be totally cool with it if there was an openly gay character or two in the film, but there aren't any. There's just an abundance gay innuendo that doesn't really need to be there. However, I do want to say that the relationship between Maverick and Goose is incredible. Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards did an incredible job of blending brotherly love with true affection. Goose understands Maverick in a way that no one else does, and when Goose dies it obviously affects Maverick in a way that nothing ever has before. Their relationship is strong and believable, and I think some of the other relationships in the film (like the one between Iceman and Slider) would have been better if they'd been developed a little bit more. Seriously, though. I'm not against gay characters in film (you should hear me talk about how much I love The Birdcage), it just bugs me that I can't tell if Top Gun is trying to be homoerotic, or if it just kind of happened because there are a lot of partially clothed men saying vaguely sexual things to each other.

So that's it. Now I've seen Top Gun. On a lot of levels I really enjoyed it. Mostly because Tom Cruise was young and attractive and slightly imperfect (those crooked teeth honestly just make him more adorable), and because I enjoyed seeing people like Meg Ryan and Tim Robbins in early roles. Also, fighter jets are cool. The things I listed above kind of bug me, but not enough to make me dislike the movie. They ultimately just gave me something to talk about in this blog. Of course, the other thing that bugs me is that Goose dies. But who knows? Maybe next time Goose won't die.

I just want to add down here that it was mentioned at this screening that if attendance doesn't go up there will likely not be Flashback Features next year. Next Wednesday they are showing Monty Python and the Holy Grail. They show an "old" film every Wednesday at the VRC Regal Cinemas. Tickets are only five dollars. Go see one.